For You

Stop trying to figure out why someone didn’t want you or trying to figure out what you “need” to work on to make them want you. Creating a habit of changing the things about you that don’t align with the people that you wanted to want you is the fastest way to lose your connection to self. You won’t be for everyone you want. Everyone who wants you won’t be for you.

If you find that there is a pattern developing of not being able to connect with people and this leads you to want to identify the things you need to work on, I highly recommend BEING ALONE and looking INWARD. If you don’t know where to begin, hire a therapist or a life coach (depending on the specifics of your needs) who will know the right questions to ask to assist you in guiding yourself toward healing or achieving a specific mindset.

Never change who you are for the sake of connecting with someone else. You will lose yourself every single time.

Emotional Maturity

Sometimes you have to be mature enough emotionally to recognize the purpose behind the disappointment and pain you experience. Often, it’s meant to motivate you to distance yourself from people so that you can focus on SELF.

Discomfort is where we find the desire for change. If everyone did you right and made you comfortable, you’d never have a reason to withdraw. Think on that.

The universe (or God, spirit, whatever your belief is in) will always give you what you NEED… sometimes it’s a painful process, but don’t get lost in the pain. Pain is very often where you find your purpose because PAIN is what creates the need for relief – for healing. Be open to seeing it rather than spending your energy on things like blame, anger, resentment, and bitterness… Those things DO NOT serve you.

My Name is Rage: Page 149

Loved Right

Nobody has ever loved me right, including myself.
It wasn’t until I learned to love myself
that I realized how inadequate the love was
that I had been so quick to accept.
I tried to fill the voids I felt with everything outside of myself
until I found that I was enough to complete me
and my need was never for someone to teach me how to be whole
but rather for someone to contribute their presence to my life
and compliment my soul.

They say hurt people hurt people.
I’ve come to realize this pain is never intentional,
it’s a naturally occurring byproduct
of someone not knowing their own worth.
It’s the result of the way that they respond to all those hurts –
the experiences that drain the life from all the lies
they tell themselves to believe
and all the promises they know no one ever really keeps.

Poison is me, trusting too much and loving too deep.
Poison is me finding myself on the floor,
letting you make it to where I can’t even breathe.
How do you kill my spirit without ever touching me?
How does it always turn out that I end up
having to prove myself to everybody?
The child within keeps her eye on the prize –
she won’t beg, but she will bite.
Her mind’s sharp and her thighs are tight.
She still sees the light through my darkness
and she’s got all the trappings of a goddess.

And’s she’s just waiting on the day I learn to love us.

My Name is Rage: Page 14

In My Face

I lose sleep at night thinking of him…
The man that I need, the man of my dreams.
The man my man never seemed to need to be
until the day came when he realized he could lose me.
I answer I love you texts with emojis
because I can’t bring myself to say the words.
I can’t reconcile the way you want me to feel
with the way I’ve been hurt.

What do you do when your art is offensive?
When it reminds someone of the someone they used to be?
When your truth is the truth they don’t want to receive
because their truth is a less self-abrasive belief.
When suppression makes it so that you can’t breathe …
and censorship of your expressions
makes your heart forget how to beat.

Why do you feel it’s okay to suffocate my essence
and penetrate my space?
How do you not owe me after everyone you’ve put in my place?
You don’t know me
no matter how many times you woke up next to me,
lying in my face.

So I lose sleep at night thinking of him…
The man that I need, the man of my dreams.
The man my man could never bring himself to be.
He’s terrified to unlock my cage
because his biggest fear is that I’ll fly away.
Afraid I’ll find what he could never give me
while entertaining the her after her,
so it’s no secret that the odds are stacked in anyone else’s favor
and he’d rather have me empty than have me leave
because he prioritizes my wholeness
far lower than he prioritizes his dependency on me.

His need of my presence in order to survive
is far greater in his eyes
than my need to feel alive.