Page 127

How Wrong I Was

I thought I didn’t care so much. Now I’m sliding down the wall in this hell where I’m stuck. I’ve always loved hard, but I could always walk away leaving a trail of forgotten lovers whispering pleas for me to stay.

I never got attached this way. I’m at your mercy. You’re my grace. I close my eyes and I can see you. Goddamn, I love your face.

I guess I didn’t recognize the impact you had on me.

My past left me indifferent and I truly began to believe that I wouldn’t be hurt by losing anyone. I felt I didn’t need you so I was good to carry on. Do you know what it’s like when you feel completely numb, but there’s a dull ache inside and you don’t know where it’s coming from?

You came along during a time when that slight pain was all that I could feel and you were like the perfect drug, so I had to let you in.

The downside is that eventually you aren’t numb and you realize the extent of your injuries so you start to just succumb because recovery is overwhelming and life seems so much colder. Now that you’re gone, my soul is in shock every moment that I’m sober.

How wrong I was to believe I’d be okay after you and I were over.

Now I’m left to figure out how I’m supposed to get past the loss of you. I should have just kept the heartache I had when you first came through. I’m somewhat indestructible, unbreakable; I’ve been called heartless by a few…

… but until I gave myself to you,
I had no idea how much damage healing could do.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *