My Name is Rage: Page 14

In My Face

I lose sleep at night thinking of him…
The man that I need, the man of my dreams.
The man my man never seemed to need to be
until the day came when he realized he could lose me.
I answer I love you texts with emojis
because I can’t bring myself to say the words.
I can’t reconcile the way you want me to feel
with the way I’ve been hurt.

What do you do when your art is offensive?
When it reminds someone of the someone they used to be?
When your truth is the truth they don’t want to receive
because their truth is a less self-abrasive belief.
When suppression makes it so that you can’t breathe …
and censorship of your expressions
makes your heart forget how to beat.

Why do you feel it’s okay to suffocate my essence
and penetrate my space?
How do you not owe me after everyone you’ve put in my place?
You don’t know me
no matter how many times you woke up next to me,
lying in my face.

So I lose sleep at night thinking of him…
The man that I need, the man of my dreams.
The man my man could never bring himself to be.
He’s terrified to unlock my cage
because his biggest fear is that I’ll fly away.
Afraid I’ll find what he could never give me
while entertaining the her after her,
so it’s no secret that the odds are stacked in anyone else’s favor
and he’d rather have me empty than have me leave
because he prioritizes my wholeness
far lower than he prioritizes his dependency on me.

His need of my presence in order to survive
is far greater in his eyes
than my need to feel alive.